Why don’t I feel okay just to be a wife, mother, daughter, and friend? Why do I struggle with not contributing monetary value to my family?
When we were younger and starting out, I had to work because of necessity. We made financial choices that required us to maintain a dual-income household. When situations would arise that required hard choices between my job and family it just sucked! I feel way to often my family got the short end of the decision stick. I know in those times it was my choice. Regardless of bills to pay or whatever, the choice was always mine to make. I worked for two amazing families that were always very supportive and accommodating. The problem was with me. I had such an inner feeling of commitment and loyalty to my employer it truly had my priorities misaligned. My family was also super amazing. They were so supportive of my dedication but I am sure there were times that it broke their hearts to see me choose poorly.
Finally, one Sunday at Church I responded to an alter call. As I approached the front of the church a friend was waiting to pray for me. I remember her embrace as she prayed over me and then she looked at me and the only thing I could say was “It is time”. Those words were not meant for her, but the Holy Spirit was making it clear to me that it was time to leave my job. God was releasing me from the commitment that I had made to my employer. I was in tears. I was excited and scared but so resolute in the message given to me that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was from God.
I shared the tearful revelation with my husband, and I think he went into shock! He has always been so supportive of my decisions and I knew he would be now but he had just started a new job and the thought of having two decent incomes opened a lot of options for us.
After leaving my employer of 16 years, it didn’t take long for me to begin volunteering full-time for our church. It was great. I was happier than I had been in a long time. But as God removed me from the season of a working mother, He then, after a couple of years, removed me from the season of volunteering.
His timing was perfect, as usual. Being in a position to be fully available to my family, help my Parents when needed, and have flexibility beyond all reason was a dream come true.
So what is wrong with me? Why is it so hard to find value in what I do just because there isn’t a paycheck attached? It is nuts! It seems to be the societal norm to do it all. Be a homemaker, a caregiver, and a successful entrepreneur. It is so exhausting. No matter how hard I try and how much I feel like I am juggling everything I can still feel like I am not enough.
It is in times like these it is important to speak truth over your situation. You can do this by simply making a list of things you know to be true. For example, being a woman of faith, I know that all the pressures put on me by society are not important. I know that God has a plan and purpose for my life. I know that I am a valued daughter of our Heavenly Father. I know through Him ALL things are possible. I know He loves me and it is okay for me to have days when I struggle to feel good enough. God is faithful and his promises are true. So when you are feeling low, know tomorrow is a new day. In our weakness He is strong. He NEVER leaves our side. GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!
